No One Warned Me About Fake Hands When I was Pregnant

My youngest child recently started watching nail tutorials on YouTube. That’s how she ended up spending her money on this weird fake hand thing.

Tip: you can use this hand to pat your husband on the back but he will not find it cute. And don’t even try to use it to get freaky. He will NOT PARTICIPATE.

Ok I’m just kidding about the last part. I wouldn’t stick my kids fake hand down my husbands pants. That’s just gross and weird.

I made the mistake of helping my kid paint the nails on this hand and now it’s my full time job? Apparently, I get to fix the hand and the nail polish. And she doesn’t even let me take the hand to the neighbors house to meet them. I figured I’d go offer to shake hands and I could guarantee privacy from my neighbors forever.

My older child got upset with me for smacking them on the butt with the fake hand and I told them it is so I can testify that I never laid a hand on them and then they told me that didn’t even make sense because I did lay a hand on them. Shit. I never thought I’d believe in corporal punishment until my kids started prankish me by playing Owl City when I walk into the room.

Anyway, I posted this on my phone so sorry for typos etc – I haven’t been posting a lot this week because I did a good amount of travel. I wanted to share the freaky hand with everyone. Or more like I felt I had to reach out and touch someone with it but my husband said no and so here I am. I may start taking selfie’s with the hand and if I do I’ll post them here and on IG. If I feel cute.

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